I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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