Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize