You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
