I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
