At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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