Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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