Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
