She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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