oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
