YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
