and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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