ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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