i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
