Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
