It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
