So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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