I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
