I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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