i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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