Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
