All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
