I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its about making memories worth repressing
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
