I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
