why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
