just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
