the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
