i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
