She announced her abortion via fbk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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