I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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