As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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