He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
