u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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