i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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