hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is wine microwaveable?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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