Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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