we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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