:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
