My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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