Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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