Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize