Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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