And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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