stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
