Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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