I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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