I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
