Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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