all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
