P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
