Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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