the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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