i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
