He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize