Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
