I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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