Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize