Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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