He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
