there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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