i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
