just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
