your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
