How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
