fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
