Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
