Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We left the knife in your bed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
